16 stages all pale people go through during a heatwave

Unprecedented.

That's the only way to describe this abnormally hot weather that we seem to be experiencing for what feels like a year now.

I know I should never dare speak badly of our dear yellow/orange friend as he doesn't make an appearance all that often, but as a pale being, the struggle is very real.

1. Seeing the sun and feeling a sense of optimism that today might be the day that I get some colour!!!

(Yes us pale folk must refer to it as colour because, "tan" is too strong a word to define the slight pink/peach glow that we MIGHT achieve..)


2. You slap on your suncream with vigour and excitement.

"Tan lines"???  HAHAA don't be silly! Those only happen in movies don't they?


3.) The first 15 minutes in the sun..

4.) Then the sweating begins and you worry that you may have pushed your precious pale skin that bit too far.

5.) You peel yourself off of the chair and run back inside to the solace of your house, where shade and comfortable temperatures prevail.

6.) Check in the nearest mirror to see if you've got any colour.


Expectation:

Reality:

7.) See that you haven't and realise that today is going to be just like every other sunny day.

8.) Defiance strikes and you vow that you WILL go back out into the sun and endure the sun sweats and you WILL get that 'bronze glow' that all of your friends talk about.

9.) You go to lay back down in your previous spot and burn your entire back because the chair and pillows are now, THE HEAT OF THE SUN.

10.) You try and listen to music or read a book to distract yourself from the imminent sweat fest.

11.) Realise that no matter how much you try and sunbathe, your dreams of being a bronzed goddess, in the words of Gabrielle are, 'Out Of Reach'.

12.) Retire back inside the house only to remember the famous saying,

"You'll be able to see if you've caught the sun once you've had a shower."

So up the stairs you run..

13.) You jump out of the shower, only to realise that the redness that you have achieved is because of the shower water being hotter than the gates of hell on your delicate skin..

14.) Sit on your bed in your towel for 5 hours, scrolling through Instagram, marvelling at people's holiday snaps, thinking 'ooh that white bikini is gorgeous!'

But then remembering that you would look like a snowman if you wore that because your skin is paler than the bikini..

15.) You see pictures of pale girls and realise that you need to start embracing your pale skin more.

16.) Then you look over to your shelves at your bottle of fake tan and think

Love Kerry xxx