So incase you hadn't gathered by the title or by cleverly read between the lines of that cryptic opening paragraph. I KERRY MARTIN, PASSED MY DRIVING TEST ON THE 23RD OF SEPTEMBER 2015. (First time can I just add!)
So as a bit of a narrator, I think it's best if I take you through my driving 'journey' if you will! (No pun intended..)
If you've been reading my blog from the beginning then you'll (hopefully) have read THIS blogpost. If you scroll through this post, you'll come across a paragraph where I briefly talk about my experience of driving and driving lessons. As you can see, it wasn't exactly smooth sailing! In this same blogpost I talk about my lack of self confidence and how it just makes everything a bit of a chore, and that's putting it lightly! I don't know when/where this all started, but it makes trying new things/visiting new places a bit more difficult for little Kez!
Anyway, after having my test moved from the August to September (due to my examiner not being available), I had a bit more time to practice and really start fine tuning my driving. In hindsight, I am so glad that my test was moved because I definitely would have failed if I had taken the test in August! The difference between my driving in July compared to where it was two weeks before my test is astonishing!
Moving the story along to the week before test and oh my lordy lord the nerves. Even just people asking me about my test and how my lessons were going would make my stomach turn into knots. (I realise that this sounds so silly, but imagine something that you were really nervous for; like a show, a game, an exam, whatever it is, then just imagine that x2, that's how nervous I was everyday leading up to my test.
And the worst part is, I had been so excited at the prospect of taking my first ever driving test, that I had told EVERY MAN AND HIS DOG when my test was and at what time..
Just one bit of advice there for any of you that are having lessons or are just about to book your test, DO NOT TELL EVERYONE WHEN YOUR TEST IS. YOU WILL REGRET IT. So having notified the Earth's population, this meant that as someone who worries about pretty much everything, I was constantly worried about the embarrassment of having to tell everyone that I'd failed.
I had a mock test of the Sunday before my test (on the Wednesday just gone) and even though I had been told by numerous people that pretty much everyone fails their mock tests, I ended up making such stupid mistakes that I would never normally have done, which resulted in me getting very angry and disappointed with myself. Coming home to an empty house 'post-mock test' meant that I ended up bawling my eyes out, and crying down the phone to my mum about how I couldn't do my test and how I had never felt so nervous or sick for anything etc etc.. (You get the gist that I wasn't a happy bunny..) Obviously being a mum, she knew exactly what to say to calm me down and reassure me that I was going to be fine, that my mock test was the worst it could possibly go and that I was going to be fabulous. (Is there a handbook or a school that mum's attend when their children are born, where they learn all of this stuff? Because SIGN ME UP!)
(So I can reassure myself, not my child.. Don't worry Mum I'm not preggers.)
So the Monday and Tuesday before test day, consisted of having a driving lesson in the morning, finishing in town and then going to work. Both of those lessons went relatively well, so thankfully confidence had been restored from the crappy mock test, and I was starting to believe that I could actually pass my test! (Hoorah!) Now I realise that I am making myself sound like the WORST driver, but even with my lack of self-confidence, I can safetly say that I am actually a good driver, I just didn't believe that I was!
Tuesday night= THE WORST NIGHT'S SLEEP EVER & FEELING LIKE I WAS GONNA VOM EVERY 5 MINUTES.
So after that fabulous night's 'sleep' that I'd had, my alarm went off at 6:45 (I say 'went off'.. I was already awake so it just made me jump..) Dragged myself into the shower hoping it would make me feel more awake and less nauseous, (it didn't). Pulled on some comfy clothes (v.important, the last thing you want when you're trying to concentrate as hard as possible, is the worry that your top is too low or that your skirt is riding up. So opt for something really comfy both clothes and shoes wise (no heeled boots lads, sorry). So I go downstairs in an attempt to fuel myself with some food, but all I managed was a quarter of a slice of dry toast (delicious) before I felt queasy again. My mum wished me good luck and gave me a hug (bad move there, because everyone knows as soon as your mum hugs you when you're feeling said, tears are going to fall..)
Anyway Sian, (my fab driving instructor) arrived, and off we went! She could quite clearly sense that I was absolutely sh***ng myself, so constantly reassured me that I was going to be okay and that the only thing that would cause me to fail would be my nerves. That was the killer, the fact that something virtually out of my control could be the reason that I failed, really annoyed me.
So after driving through stop, start traffic pretty much all the way to the test centre, we eventually arrived and went inside to meet my examiner and sign the forms.
My examiner was so so lovely, he instantly put me at ease which was exactly what I needed. I successfully completed the sight test and the two show me, tell me questions and off we went! Now I'm not going to waffle about what happened in my actual test too much because to be completely honest it would be very tedious and boring! But basically, my manoeuvre was a turn in the road (which I know a lot of you will be hoping for, because it is probably the easiest one!) But to be completely honest, I kind of wanted him to ask me to do a left hand reverse! I had practiced them so much and was kind of hoping I was gonna get to whip one out, but a turn in the road was what I was asked for, so that's (obviously) what I did! (Probably for the best to be honest.. Knowing my luck, that would've been the time I mounted the curb..)
Anyway, I pulled back into the test centre and I felt like one of those bloomin' X-Factor contestants with their sob stories, waiting to find out whether I'd passed or not! My heart was pounding so fast and so loudly that I thought he was going to ask me to turn it down! He then proceeded to ask me; "How do you think you did?" and I was sat there thinking, "I don't jeffin' know do I?! You're the examiner!!" I just replied with a slightly shaky, "Yeah I think I did okay?" And then he said those two BEAUTIFUL words "You've passed" and I honestly went into a state of shock. It was like everything was in slow motion, I looked at him, then at my instructor and then back at him and was like OH MY GOD I DID IT!! I BLOODY DID IT!! I thanked my examiner about a million times and then jumped out of the car and gave Sian a mahoosive hug!)
Sian dropped me off in town for work (not before getting a GORGEOUS (sarcasm) photo of me posing with my certificate like a lemon with a grin not too dissimilar to a Chesire cat's! I then thanked her a million times and said my goodbyes :( (this bit was a bit emosh, because Sian and I had the best lessons! She made them so fun and we constantly giggled and gossiped and it was like saying goodbye to a friend!) After the goodbyes were done, I
All in all, probably one of the best days ever!
Someone very close to me sent me a message yesterday and it has really stuck with me: "Another obstacle overcome.. For someone who can lack self-confidence, you're doing an amazing job of conquering everything!"
Now I wouldn't normally share personal messages, but this one really encapsulates my whole driving experience. I wanted to write this post, because even though I know that everyone gets nervous before their driving test, I don't think some people realise just how much, seemingly small things, such as exams, shows and tests can affect some people mentally and physically! (GETTING VERY DEEP NOW, DON'T WORRY I'LL GET US OUT OF THIS.)
Basically all I wanted to do with this post, is prove that even though I have been through what seems like a bit of an emotional ordeal, I wouldn't do anything differently! The nerves and the sickness and the constant worrying, although horriffic at the time, made hearing the words, "you've passed" so much more amazing! Knowing that I've done this, proves to myself that I am a lot more capable and resilient that I give myself credit for and hopefully now I will begin to have more confidence in myself and my abilities!
If you're ever doubting yourself, just remember you really can do it, all the doubting and worrying is all in your head! *fist pump*
Kez xxx
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